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Click on a heading to sort by that. Please note that the very first lot of films added have no optional ratings. A 0/10 in an optional category doesn't necessarily mean a film is no good, just that it didn't feature much of that particular thing. Watch out Barry Norman!

100 Films listed

A History Of Violence
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	Nearly a fortnight after seeing this film, I still don't know what to think or to say about David Cronenberg's latest, much less what, or whether I'd recommend to someone else. I won't tell you much of the plot, only that owner of a diner Viggo "Aragorn" Mortensen becomes a local hero stopping 2 nutters with guns, who attracts the attention of mob boss Ed "shit loads of films" Harris, where upon the film gets a bit weird. Or dull. Or predictable, or totally unpredictable depending on what mood you're in when you watch it. I can eaisily see someone hating this, or thinking it's the best film of the year, or maybe you'll think it's alright with some good bits. I still don't know what to think
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	4/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	4/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	19/10/2005

Bowling for Columbine
Person	LD50	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	This is something a bit different. You know when I say "doesn't exactly push the boundaries of film" - well that doesn't apply here. This is something a bit different - sort of a docu-opinion-omentary and whilst there's not much on the bagsy front and ...oh just watch it. Summary: america's gun laws + americans + guns = trouble.
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	2/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	6/10
Comedy	7/10
Format	SVCD
Date added	13/1/2003

Buffalo Soldiers
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	Joaquin Phoenix racks up another impressive performance as Ray Ellwood, kind of a Catch 22 Nately for the modern age. He's the guy who sorts out the drugs and what have you for US forces stationed in Berlin. War is hell, but peace is fucking boring, the saying goes. The film comments on the complacency and entropy of the armed forces in peace time, as well as the bloated decadence of empire, the contempt and arrogance of occupying powers. It's also easy to read the film as a bunch of man-childs getting a nasty shock when their games turn very real and frightening, as a big score selling guns for drugs gets serious. I mentioned Catch 22 because it's what it reminds me of most. It's about the madness and surreality of the armed forces, overseen by a effete Ed Harris afraid of losing his job, and while it occasionally borders on the glib, it's got a great a bagsy from Anna Paquin, and that ain't ever bad.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	4/10
Comedy	6/10
Format	AVI
Date added	18/2/2007

Casino Royale
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	James Blonde, Bond is Blond, shrieked the headlines as Daniel Craig's name was announced for the latest re-launch of the franchise. These simpering toady hacks duly ate their words once the film had, you know, been made and viewed. Craig is your balls-out Bond, not one to think twice before popping caps in various crevices, and even speedier to let his fists do the talking. Plots, girls and mcguffins are irrelevant here. It's Bond FFS. But it's a Bond closer to OHMSS (the George Lazenby one) in that it's unlike the usual formula. More like The Bond Supremacy. Daniel Craig gives us what Moore (my personal favourite) and certainly the Scottish thug were unable to; the reaction from the audience that we want to know more about him. We're interested. And if the ending is anything to go by, we'll get what we want.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	8/10
General wierdness	3/10
Comedy	5/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	26/11/2006

Children Of Men
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	I had to open up a new window to check my reviews as I wrote this, as I'm pretty sure I'd made the point I was going to make before. And I had. In V For Vendetta, I'd said the political ideas aren't very well or realistically expressed, as they're made by filmmakers who are good at visuals, not politics. I feel something similar with Children Of Men. It's set in 2027 where for reasons not very clearly explained, there hasn't been a baby born for 18 years, and in V or 1984 style, Britain is now a virtual fascist state. Gangs of chavs/proles throw stones at outer party worker Clive "Chancer" Owen's train, as he escapes to the country retreat of weed-toking Michael "fousands of 'em" Caine. By chance his ex Julianne "strongly vaginal" Moore involves him in an adventure where he has to help the first pregnant woman in 2 decades get out of the country. As a chase movie, Children Of Men is awesome. The photography of the actions scenes (Car drive-by shooting & hunt in a Stalingrad-style refugee camp) are better than anything I've ever seen, better than Private Ryan's good bit. But the "future is now" stuff (immigration, infertility, authoritarianism) is left unexplained. I'm guessing it's because director Alfonso Cuaron didn't think it would be frankly strong enough, and left open to too much criticism. Reminds me of Jersey Girl or Lady In The Water where important life-changing stuff is left unsaid because the director probably knows it would never be satisfying enough to all. It's a pretty bleak film, portraying a very faint flicker of hope in a world otherwise gone to hell. Perfect for a hangover.
Bagsy	3/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	3/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	1/10
Format	AVI
Date added	11/2/2007

Cloverfield
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	On Newsnight Review, one of the talking wonks called this "9/11 porn" in a rather critical way. They were absolutely right, right down to the destruction of iconic landmarks (statue of liberty, that's in the trailer so I'm not spoling too much); plumes of smoke; vertical collapse of towers; tearful voicemails to loved ones, and all-out screaming, terror and panic. It is, however, bloody excellent all the same. You must see this in the cinema, as I think a lot will be lost at home. I can personally vouch for the unsettling feeling - people I know have been literally sick after seeing it - as the shaky camerawork adds to the hyper-reality. What the film makers have done very deliberately, is make the opening 20 minutes as arsehole-heavy as possible, so when the "shit goes down" you're rooting for them to be wiped out, so it's a great testament that people this unsympathetic hold your attention for the taut 84 minute run time. A Blair Witch for 2008.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	5/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	18/2/2008

constantine
Person	lhrsfrd	Comments
Overall rating	10/10
Bagsy	10/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	10/10
Cars	10/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	10/10
Format	dv
Date added	3/4/2005

Equilibrium
Person	LD50	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	Seeing Sean Bean entering the scene didn't exactly fill us with confidence about the film but for once he didn't play a complete cock. This film actually completely surprised us and turned out to be rather good all round. Lots of blended elements echoed of gattaca, 1984, brave new world, bourne ID, the matrix etc etc.. all good baby :-) Ok here's a thought - super badass cleric/shaolin monk inquisition types who do matrix style fight tactics...where do you think that will lead? Yes it involves lots of shooting :-)
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	1/10
General wierdness	8/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	VCD from uncle Tatsy
Date added	17/3/2003

Fahrenheit 9/11
Person	TF12	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	I still don't know how I feel about this film after seeing it last night. I *think* it's actually quite offensive viewing. Little or no comedy involved except laughing hysterically at the village idiot being, well, an idiot. More importantly, there's also very little "documentary". Moore has opted for 100% anti-Bush propaganda and you can't help but feel the details are *so* swamped with images of dying children, public beheading and dumbass American soldiers that it can't possibly be a balanced view. On a positive note, if this doesn't get Bush out of office nothing will. There is pretty much no mention of British politics with the exception of a fleeting reference to John Major's connections to the Bin Ladens. There is definitely a market for a british version explaining why we followed muppet-boy in to war but I think Brits are far too intelligent for this propaganda style approach. I reckon everyone should see it but if you didn't think this stuff was already happening then you've been on Mars for 3 years. I challenge you not to shed a tear when the Mom is reading out the letter. Peace.
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	1/10
Comedy	1/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	5/7/2004

Fahrenheit 9/11
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	Seems like it's down to Streaky to wrestle back Film 303 from the Underworld fans. Criticising a Michael Moore film for bias is a bit like criticising The Sound Of Music for singing songs; it's integral to telling the story. Moore's polemic is based on the school of thought that the media are weighted in favour of powerful elite interests that push their Snickers and Coke products on us with one hand, while pumping us full of fear with the other. If we accept that Moore's film is biased or anti-Bush (I think his opinions are, but the evidence in the film is decidedly anti-fascist, of which more later) then we must logically accept that every single news bulletin or current affairs TV show in living memory is biased too. If you ask me, one film that tears into the corrupt establishment against all the others in favour of the status quo, gets my vote. Moore's essentially states 3 widely held (and credible) views. That Bush stole the 2000 election with help from his friend; that he failed to anticipate Bin Laden's determination to attack the US, and that he used the grief of 9/11 to ram through an agenda he knew the public would never otherwise stand for (Tax Cuts, Patriot Act, Afganistan, Iraq) Amongst the photo-copied government papers and grainy footage there's a whole lot of cheap shots in George W's direction (it is the election year) and the usual Moore audience participation; in one driving an ice-cream van reading the Patriot Act out loud to Congress, and then getting them to register their children for the war in Iraq. He justifies a great amount of criticism. His evidence, particularly for Afghanistan and Bush/Saudi links, is not as convincing as he makes out; even though he's a lot more withdrawn than 'Columbine you can't help but feel he's playing his one-man "who saved the world" schtick, and he covers his lack of harder evidence with more than a few glib remarks. He also makes the mistake a lot of Democrats make, namely that everything will be OK if Bush goes. But how many documentaries get the kind of box office Moore does? How many people get the reach he does? Yes, he simplifies and popularises but he gives people things they didn't know before (trust me, the guy I was with HAD NO IDEA) and he's got people talking about the issues. Sure, for educated smooth pimp-daddies like the 303-ers it's nothing we haven't heard before but for many it's a shocking revelation, like the first time I watched Chomsky's Manufacturing Consent. But my lasting memory was neither the truth telling nor the technical competence of Fahrenheit. It was Moore's elegy for his country. Like Bill Hicks, he still holds in his heart the values, whether they were ever actually realised, of the American dream. In honesty, hard work, that virtue was it's own reward. Behind his sometimes infuriatingly smug and condescending persona there is a man bearing melancholic witness to the death of democracy and rise of Fascism in America. His fury at every war profiteer, every corrupt family friend who sit feeding at the trough while holding us in contempt should make each and every one of us mad as hell. Are we going to take it any more?
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	0/10
Comedy	5/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	6/7/2004

Guns of Navarone
Person	Tadd	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	You wanted guns ...... Nuff said. It does exactly what it sez on the tin (first one to punch the bloke that keeps saying that wins some ronsil quick drying original wet yet tacky stuff that you paint on shit). One Bagsy though she was a peasant girl. Explosions ooooh yes plus guns and fighting - well it's war innit. Undead - well not for long. Comedy value got 1... Well taking about 12 men up a huge fekking mountain to blow up a gun is pretty amusing.. well maybe not. This isn't Tadd this is his fridge......
Bagsy	1/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	3/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	1/10
Format	some random channel from sky
Date added	19/12/2002

Heat
Person	Jack Carter	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	Serious sooper cool action flick as DeNiro and Pacino face each other off and Ueberheistmaster and Police Detective (respectively) in this cat and mouse game. Lots of high octane action and the car chase scene when the robbers are breaking out of the bank had my neighbours banging on the wall (machineguns via the stero amp at full) Ace film - Very slick Remake of LA Takedown, but better
Bagsy	10/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	1/10
Comedy	1/10
Format	DVD
Date added	29/8/2002

Hot Fuzz
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	You can't argue handing over your £6 plus something for probably the best British film of its genre for years. But which genre? It's a fish out of water comedy as Nicholas Angel (Simon "Spaced" Pegg), is forced to leave London as he's so good as a Police Officer he makes everyone else look bad. Assigned to sleepy Gloucestershire village Sandford, he teams up with adoring Danny (Nick "Spaced" Frost), as well as every comedy actor from Green Wing & Black Books they could find. The second genre is the detective murder mystery, where a series of accidents look suspiciously like foul play, but Angel has to convince his skeptical cake-eating colleagues to believe him. As the film stretches into the second hour, it moves into Bad Boys territory as the guns get locked and loaded. Containing a homage (rather than a pardoy where it would lazily recycle the images without the wit) to almost every buddy cop movie, as well as the typical Spaced humour, it's a laugh throughout first and foremost. But it's such a step forward from their last film Shaun Of The Dead, it seems condescending to call it a comedy. The action, photography & direction is first-rate, even if it maybe does tire toward the end. See it.
Bagsy	3/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	6/10
Comedy	8/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	18/2/2007

I Am Legend
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	Ah, the run-up to the Oscars. What a delight to have the blessed DVD screeners available for download. Intended for idle members of the academy who can't be bothered to mix with lower classes in something as base and debauched as a Cinema, these perfect quality AVIs make a dishonest man's dream come true. Of course, I do chuckle watching an unfunny rat tell me not to be a knock-off Nigel whilst for the rich and powerful, those pesky piracy laws don't seem to apply. The maxim of "one rule for you, one for me" could not have been better illustrated. Anyways, my favourite family man actor Willard Smith is back in another remake. This time I Am Legend is the name of the book adapted, rather than The Omega Man it became with Charlton Heston. It's set in a Manhattan where Will is the only inhabitant, and is trying to find a cure for the disease which has wiped everyone out. He's trying to stay sane by talking to his dog like a child; arranging mannequins to have friendly chats with; and sending out calls for survivors to get in touch over the radio. I'd have been perfectly happy to watch Will go publicly insane through all the loneliness but sadly the film doesn't grant me my boon. You just know that Will isn't really alone, and that there's going to be some unspeakable evil that comes out at night. You're not too surprised to learn that he isn't alone. What is so gratifying, however, is that when the shit goes down, it's genuinely unsettling and watchable. Best of all, the film doesn't go all ball-licky near the end. Much better than 28 Days Later in my opinion.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	10/10
Cars	7/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	AVI
Date added	27/12/2007

I, Robot
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Really didn't think it was going to be this good. I'm a fan of Will "Can I Fuck You?" Smith, dig where the guy comes from and what he tries to do, and was quite happy for a bit of wisecracking "Bad Boys In The Future" to fill a couple of hours. What I got was a comprehensive action-packed whodunnit thriller that asks serious questions about AI and gives some very interesting answers. A technology paranoid robot-hating Smith investigates the apparent suicide of the head of a robotics company days before the latest models are shipped, and though you know there's more to it than it appears the script stays one step ahead. Tightly directed and very well paced, never too far from guns or a one-liner with some gorgeous visuals they nicked from Minority Report. Best action flick of the year so far.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	8/10
General wierdness	8/10
Comedy	7/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	8/8/2004

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	He's back He's bad He's older than my Dad He's Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones. Harrison Ford has still got it. If you've seen the trailer there's a shot of an obviously frail Indiana leaping onto a truck. That shot isn't in the film, most likely a diversionary tactic by Spielberg/Lucas to throw you off the scent. Shia Le Boeuf isn't a cock in this film, I'm thrilled to say. Ray "I've eaten Vegetarians" Winstone, John "ow my chest" Hurt & Cate Blanchett are along for the ride, and there's even a cameo from Alan "Jim Robinson from Neighbours" Dale whcih now means there must have been a law passed that says he must be in everything (Lost, Ugly Betty, 24). I won't bore you with the plot, just watch it. It's bloody great.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	4/10
General wierdness	9/10
Comedy	8/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	23/5/2008

King Kong
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Jim Carrey, Robin Williams and now Jack Black have crossed the line from "cock" to "serios actor" with all the accompaniyng whines of "well, if you could do that why have you been a cock all these years". Watch out for Black returning to "cock" any moment soon, just like his peers. Until then, he's Carl Denham, a film director with big problems; his latest film is nowhere near done, and the studio are drumming their fingers and talking about the sack. So he gets hold of unemployed vaudeville actress Naomi Watts, script writer Adrien Brody, and a posse of salty seamen to sail to the mythical Skull Island, where his secret map promises some seriously good location shooting. As you'd expect from Peter "11 Oscars for Return Of The King" Jackson, he takes his time getting to the island, and after an hour or so all hell breaks loose when we see Kong. Reminiscent of the LOTR trilogy as well as Jurassic Park and Indiana Jones, Jackson pins us to our seat unleashing one action set-piece after another, still finding time for some genuine moments of tenderness between Watts and Kong. The 3 hours mercifully fly by, something he's learned from Return Of The King. Jackson has created a classic here, the only question is whether it'll be bigger tahn Titanic.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	6/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	29/12/2005

Lord Of War
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Goodfellas with guns. Uri Orlov (Nicolas "Francis Ford Coopola's nephew" Cage) is an arms dealer, 30 years man and boy. He lies to his wife about what he does, he lies to the camera, in his narration, but mostly he lies to himself about the business he's in, absolving any responsiblity that he might be part of the problem. In an unforgettable opening sequence, you get an educational journey from the point of view of a bullet as it makes it's way through the factory and beyond, until it reaches the final destination in some poor bastard's skull. Uri is chased down by idealistic Interpol agent Ethan "Gattaca" Hawke, but always seems able to stay one step ahead of (or is that above?) the law. It's a film that bombards you with facts and statistics about the arms industry, and while it occasionally borders on the glib or fatuous, as well as borrowing heavily from the aforementioned 'Fellas or more recently Blow, it's the first film I've ever seen to tackle such a subject.
Bagsy	9/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	7/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	20/10/2005

Million Dollar Baby
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	6/10	Back after what seems like ages with 303 down, plus my trip to Barcelona (quick tip, don't break a lamp with your head in your hotel room, it might cost you £400) it's only now I can add this film that I watched about a month ago. It's amazing and yet at the same time sadly predictable that this was the one that denied Scorsese the Best Director (though as it turned out, The Departed was way better than The Aviator, so perhaps a blessing in disguise). It's amazing that a film about Boxing with so many clichés (grizzled old boxing trainer, wise old black friend acting as voice of conscience, girl from the the wrong side of the tracks with something to prove, obstacles like an ungrateful family and sneering men to hurdle) could get the biggest prize in Cinema. But it does, and it's because there's something about a struggle over adversity that always seems to resonate with the Academy. For an hour and a half it's a female Rocky, as Hilary Swank (fully deserving of her second Oscar) proves to the hyper-craggy and rasping Clint Eastwood that she's the real deal, while he comes to terms with his chauvinism and breakes his self imposed "I don't train girls, girlie" rule. Morgan Freeman again lends his off-the-shelf gravitas and bags the Oscar he should have won for Shawshank or Se7en. Then (I won't say what happens) the final act really turns the film on its head, and you're off into unknown territory. It's all very well made, as you'd come to expect from Eastwood as Director, but so much of it seems so calculated for Oscar glory it's hard not to be cynical.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	0/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	2/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	AVI
Date added	12/7/2007

No Country For Old Men
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Nominated for 8 oscars (albeit most of them for technical awards) this looks like the year and the film that the Coen Brothers get the recognition and praise many feel they deserve. No Country feels like a culmination of their technical craft that started way back when in 1984 with Blood Simple. It's a film that draws many comparisons to their debut too. Like many of their films it's less concerned with the plot (little of it that there is; guy finds some drug money and waits for the hitman to come get him while the Sheriff tries to figure out what happened) and more concerned with the scenery and setting. Like so many other Coen films, its set in the past, 1980, and the scenery is West Texas. It's a modern Western (perhaps explaining the Oscar nods for genre cinema) with sparse dialogue and bone-dry humour, often with just the high plains for company. As for what the film says, or tries to say, it becomes more problematic. Tommy Lee Jones' Sheriff muses over the times we now live in, how things ain't what they used to be, about the casual (almost banal) evil creeping into modern society. Exemplified of course by Javier Bardem's cold, ruthless killer. The film (like the book upon which it is based) ruminates upon chance and fate in life, as well as the feeling that "things were ever thus" as a counter-point to TLJ's elegy for the simpler life. I think it hinges for the audience on whether you like the Coens or not. I do, and for me the film is a near masterpiece. For others (and as I do not appreciate the films of Ridley Scott for example, I can well understand) they may find it a sterile, empty film, more concerned with film making for its own sake rather than with a story to tell. The Coen Brothers are often a divisive bunch in this regard, much as Wes Anderson can be too. You either "get" them or you don't I guess.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	5/10
Format	AVI
Date added	28/1/2008

Rocky Balboa
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	I don't care, I just don't care sometimes. There's just some things that bypass your critical faculties and you have to stand and cheer. Rocky Balboa, or Rocky VI, is such a time. It shouldn't work at all. The guy is 60, and he's been beaten up countless times; he was going blind in Rocky II for fuck's sake. And yet, and yet, you still root for him. He's a decent guy who represents all that's good in the world against all that's cynical. There's a brilliant bit where he says life isn't about how many shots you give, it's about how many you take and whether you can still keep moving forward. But it isn't only sentimental, nostalgic bobbins either, it really is a very good film indeed about not living in the past and finding yourself in the present. You'd have to be dead in your grave not to get the chills when Rocky leaps up those steps, and the fight at the end is the best in the whole franchise. Certainly the best since the original, just no more, OK?
Bagsy	3/10
Explosions & carnage	0/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	3/10
General wierdness	2/10
Comedy	4/10
Format	VOB
Date added	25/1/2007

Saw 3
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	Jigsaw, the imaginative, if slightly deranged, kind of gruesome motivational instructor (he's NOT a murderer, he hates them, apparently), last seen at death's door, is inching ever closer to his reunion with the almighty. But he's not about to blow this earthly popsicle stand without one last game. You should probably know the drill by now, and this Saw stands up pretty well next to the previous 2. It's fair to say there's plenty of the "turning away" moments, gravelly intoned meditations and lectures on appreciating life and "seizing every moment". As with Saw 2, don't think about it too much, and you'll enjoy it.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	2/11/2006

Saw IV
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	6/10	Certainly the best "fourth" film in a franchise I've seen, as I can only think of Friday The 14th, Halloween & Elm Street off the top of my head as going this far. By now, all the Saw movies have blended into one sick single entry, as there are so many people locked in the same white-walled room, clawing their own eyes or body parts off to escape Jigsaw's fiendishly convoluted traps. Give him his due, the man's workrate surpasses even Woody Allen or Mozart in output, and this is AFTER he was diagnosed with cancer. Seriously, he can't have slept or ate since his hospital visit. The consistent nature of their horror means if you liked the first, you'll like this one and as always it's out of morbid curiosity than genuine artistic excellence. They've stopped taking bets on Saw V.
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	3/11/2007

Sin City
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	About a good a comic-book adaptation you're going to get. Too many starring turns to mention all, but special props to Mickey Rourke as an unusual looking avenger, Elijah Wood as a silent Freddy Krueger/Spiderman/Hannibal Lector creepy weird, and Bruce Willis' best performance since Pulp Fiction as an ageing cop assigned to protect a kidnapped girl. Way too much in a single review, you've all probably seen it already, or at the very least intend to. You've all heard of it, you've probably already decided for yourself it's utterly brilliant, so there's not really much point to this review at all. I guess I wanted to feel like I belonged to something, or just to show the big kids that I'd seen it too.
Bagsy	10/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	7/10
General wierdness	8/10
Comedy	7/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	1/7/2005

Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	So there's these imperial guys sitting on the new death star, when Vader walks in and says to them not to be proud of this technological terror, as it is "insignificant" next to the power of the force. The sheer balls of one of the generals to accuse him of "sad devotion" to an ancient religion, is literally breathtaking. Does he not remember a mere 20 years previously the guy in the black suit wiping out the Jedi with little or no mercy? Why does Han Solo, who must be aged about 35, not believe in the force, given these events occurred when he must have been about 15? And why does Vader tell Obi-wan that when he left him he was but the learner, when actually when he left him he was tons more powerful and had saved his arse a bunch of times? There's these tpye of questions, and others, that pop up as you watch A New Hope, but it's pretty good all the same.
Bagsy	10/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	20/5/2005

Streaky boils vietnamese balls
Person	Me	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	This is a short epic in which a normally relatively quiet chap from the UK gets upset by some vietnamese hoteliers/restauranteurs. His tale of vengeance begins when they start posting on his film review board and sees him travel to the orient on a quest which will lead him to a boil the balls of said gits. An absolute classic from the director who brought you "Passworded websites"
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	3/10
Cars	6/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	9/10
Format	Real life footage
Date added	1/5/2005

swordfish
Person	Rhiannon	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	superb effects, lovely graphics, storyline is a bit weak
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	10/10
General wierdness	1/10
Comedy	1/10
Format	divx
Date added	31/7/2002

team america world police
Person	paull	Comments
Overall rating	4/10
Bagsy	1/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	6/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	10/10
Format	funny
Date added	28/5/2005

Team America: World Police
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	Hmm, if you check the overall 7/10 you'd conclude I liked the film, but not a lot, and it is that probably more than the individual scores expresses how I feel about it. You're all going to see the film regardless so you won't need me to explain the plot or make a case for or against, so I'll just tell you what I think. My overall impressions is that of people treading water. Yes, I know, it's got puppets instead of animation and it's brilliantly executed, in particular the sex scene, it just seems like a 22 minute episode stretched out to a feature length film, without enough ideas or jokes to fill it. Yes, there's some fantastic dick/blowjob/buggery jokes, yes there's moments of genius (how far each nation is from America and the dick/pussy/asshole dichotomy) but they're too few and far between. It feels, as I say, like people who said everything they could or were able to on South Park The Movie, and are now saying it again with a diminshed return. If it seems harsh it's just because I'm trying to provide a counter-point to the inevitable chorus or cheers that will accompany anything from Trey Parker & Matt Stone, so maybe it may help to view it with slightly lower expectations
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	8/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	21/1/2005

The Bourne Supremacy
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	I'm a bit slow on the uptake these days. There's a stack of about 35 films waiting for me to watch, and no time amid Fiancés, Rehearsals, Work & Battlestar Galactica episodes to fit them in. So I'm a bit late in reviewing the sequel to The Bourne Identity. In fact, I'm only just in time ahead of the next one, The Bourne Ultimatum. Anyhoo, director Paul "United 93" Greengrass takes over in the director's chair from Doug Liman, as he will for Ultimatum. but there's not much you can tell apart from the first film. Again starring Matt "unfunny cameo in the unfunny Team America" Damon as Jason Bourne, special operative with memory issues about who he is, and what he's done etc.. This time it's the assassination of a prominent critic of big oil, with question marks over Bourne's involvement. There's some top-class martial arts boinging, snazzy gadgets and good old-fashioned car chases. Great, grainy fun, and superior to the James Bond films in virtually every respect.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	7/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	AVI
Date added	13/10/2006

The Bourne Ultimatum
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	The Bourne films, as Matt Damon asserted in a recent interview, have supplanted Bond as the dominant action franchise. Bond belongs to an imperial past, a superior chauvinist who drinks too much and is too cold about murder. Jason Bourne is certainly not the sort of man who upon despatching a deadly hitman, would pop out a dry one-liner and head straight for a shag. I don't think he even eats or goes to the bathroom. If one were critical, he's too much of a killing machine; glass windows, 10-storey drops, car pile-ups and multiple punch-ups come and go with only a couple of bruised knuckles to show for it. Never the less, they're awesome fun to watch, even if the shakey camerawork does start to give you a headache after a while. It's a fitting conclusion to an excellent trilogy about the nature of identity and responsibility, and Bourne does at least get the answers he's looking for.
Bagsy	3/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	6/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	1/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	30/8/2007

The Dark Knight
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	It's a funny thing, being dead. Funny, and tragic. The accidental overdose of Heath Ledger at the shockingly young age of 28 robbed us of one of the most promising, if not already the best, actors of his generation. The funny thing, like James Dean, Bill Hicks, Kurt Cobain & others taken too soon, is they are permanently frozen in time; they will never get old, get fat, sell us out by reneging on their pledged principles, and worst of all they will never be boring. If there were a god he'd have had Ben Elton torn apart by wolves shortly after finishing the final draft of Stark, giving him a fitting epitaph and saving us from all the mediocre and plain awful books that followed, as well as certain musicals and Royal Variety performances for which he should be raped by bears. If Ledger had not left us, had not taken too many pills to nurse his chronic back pain, he would have been given some tremendous press, but no Oscar nomination. A nomination that now seems all but assured. That's a pity, because Ledger doesn't just deserve a nomination, he deserves an entire new academy category all to himself. He isn't just great as The Joker (he is) he makes the combined talent of Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Christian Bale, Maggie Gyllenhal & Aaron Eckhart look average. He makes Jack Nicholson look like he's not really trying. He manages the damn near impossible feat of making him scary (genuinely scary) and funny (genuinely funny) while not lapsing into parody or pantomime villainy. Every time you think he's about to chew scenery, he steps back from it. He has the walk, the hobble of a damaged soul; the creepy lick of the lips and a focus that is beyond intense. As comparison, the almost always excellent Bale is perfectly fine as Bruce Wayne but slightly silly intoning the baritone of the caped crusader. Likewise, the aforementioned ensemble are all great, they just look, well, average next to Ledger. As action goes, it's up there. Cars, bikes, bombs, robberies and high-wire acrobatics raise the pulse. The story is light years beyond your usual blockbuster chewing gum and doesn't bother to waste characters explaining ther plot, you're just expected to keep up. It covers fascinating ideas such as the staining of the soul that the fight for justice involves, how far any of us would go for our principles; it's not so much that the lines between good and evil are blurred, they live in a greater world of order fighting chaos, personified by Batman & The Joker. The idealistic lawyer Harvey Dent is the one trapped in the middle, and what happens to him is the product of that fight. It is, however, perhaps the only criticism I can find, that it tries to have too much of a good thing. It doesn't tie up the story as well as it could, going instead for one more set piece after another, leaving a slightly saggy resolution. It's churlish though, with Gary Oldman doing his best stuff in years as Commissioner Gordon and the only one who can come close to The Joker to pick up rather minor problems as this. At time of writing, the talk is that The Dark Knight might even go past the $600 Million of Titanic, thought unbeatable until recently. Death; box office gold.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	8/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	7/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	28/7/2008

The Departed
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	A remake of the Hong Kong film "Infernal Affairs", brought to us in English by Martin "Marty" Scorsese (as an aside, go to the www.theonion.com and see his next project, 3 hours begging for an oscar). Transferred to Boston, Matt "Matt Damon" Damon is the pupil of crime boss Jack Nicholson, sent into the police to work as a mole. Leonardo Di Caprio is a cop sent to infiltrate Nicholson's gang, each man trying to find the other. There's an impeccable supporting cast with Alec "Beetlejuice" Baldwin, Ray "where's your tool?" Winstone & Martin "Mr President" Sheen. The real surprise package, nearly stealing the whole film, is Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlberg as a foul-mouthed (EVERYONE is foul-mouthed in this movie) undercover detective. Joker Jack doesn't so much chew scenery as have it wrapped in a doggy bag and taken home for supper, but you let him away, it's Jack after all. Leo & Matt are both excellent. But it's Scorsese's masterwork behind the camera that you remember the most. The 2 1/2 hours fly by, his talent for pacing, narrative, editing, and flash but not flashy camera work, keep the film moving, helped by a very snappy script. There's traces of his familiar themes here (father/son, guilt and redemption, the role of the church) but they don't overload the film, though they sometimes threaten to. As it's a remake, the Hong Kong philosophy of graphic violence and fatal shootouts sometimes sit uneasily with the more Catholic elements, but it's a very minor nitpick. Scorses shouldn't win the oscar for this, as he should have won so many times before (Dances With Wolves beat Goodfellas ffs) but it's a pleasure to see just how good his films can still be.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	6/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	27/10/2006

The Downfall
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Oliver Hirschbiege's film has been portrayed in certain sections of the media as a brave move, though a controversial attempt, to "humanise" Adolph Hitler, by playing him pretty much how he was in the last two weeks of his reign. Cornered in his bunker, close friends and advisors deserting him while only the fanatical stay until the bitter end, Hitler (the mesmorising Bruno Ganz) holds on to his delusions about final victory. When the reality that his 1000 year reich is about to fall comes bleeding through and he sees all is lost he turns on his generals, ranting and screaming at his betrayal and the incompetence of those that have stuck by him through it all; shockingly sentencing the German people to death by refusing to consider surrender or even dialogue with the allies. Certainly a man of his word, he deduces that since the German people have failed to win the war every single one of them deserves death, survival of the fittest etc. By no means an easy watch, there's considerably disturbing material on offer (think children and cyanide) but the real revelation is the controversy mentioned above; as if seeing what Hitler was actually like in some way "humanises" him. What utter toss, he's every bit as terrifying as you've heard about; pointing out he loved his dog, didn't drink or eat meat, and could be kindly on occasion hardly justifies the monstrous crimes of the holocaust, or the slaughter of millions in war and indeed of those people he claimed to represent, it just means he's a lot closer to all of us human beings. It logically follows that the capability for great evil is in every one of us given the right (or wrong) circumstances. That, more than anything in this film, is what should terrify us.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	4/10
Comedy	2/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	24/4/2005

The Last Temptation Of Streaky
Person	Me	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	In which the eponymous hero is tempted, for the last time
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	10/10
Format	Real Life
Date added	5/5/2005

The Matrix
Person	LD50	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	It's the matrix - nothing else really needs saying other than bagsy trinity :)
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	DIVX/dvdrip
Date added	8/4/2002

The Matrix Reloaded
Person	LD50	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	Changes everything.
Bagsy	8/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	8/10
Cars	8/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	5/10
Format	VCD
Date added	20/5/2003

The Matrix Reloaded
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Not quite 10/10 as the picky part of me found the metaphysical circular logic a bit unnecessarily baffling. Bit slow to get going too, but fuck it, you're going to watch it anyway, and it still kicks mighty arse. It's not Return Of The King (what is) but can't wait until November for Matrix Resolutions.
Bagsy	10/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	8/10
General wierdness	9/10
Comedy	7/10
Format	As God Intended
Date added	23/5/2003

The matrix revolutions
Person	LD50	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	This only got a 9 because... well we've already had two matrices, so we're already kinda expecting some mad shit... [19:10] i wann go see matrix [19:10] me too [19:10] go see it [19:10] it rocks [19:11] lots of *RAAAH* [19:11] and "fuck me" [19:11] and "ooer" [19:11] that's my official review
Bagsy	8/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	10/10
Cars	7/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	2/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	9/11/2003

The Transporter
Person	Tom	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	Knew nothing about this till I rented it from Blockbusters. Jason Statham (he from Lock Stock and Snatch) as an ex SAS dude saving Chinese immigrants in the South of France. Written by Luc Besson (what more of a recommendation do ya need) the film comes with action galore and a fair dollop of humour. Ends a bit quickly but that means it doesn't drag on but should be seen for the choreographed fight seens.
Bagsy	8/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	3/10
General wierdness	2/10
Comedy	5/10
Format	DivX
Date added	9/6/2003

Tigerland
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	Imagine if Full Metal Jacket was all of the first act and none of the actual mission in Vietnam and you'd be close to this. The film that saw Colin Farrell break through sees him own the film as the rebellious malcontent of a platton being trained to be shipped to fight Charlie. He doesn't want to go, he hates killing and constantly believes he's about to die. Ususally director Joel Schumacher doesn't really do it for me (Batman & Robin, 8MM, Phone Booth) but it's a cracking yarn all the way through; MASH in the 21st century with sex and profanity, if a little shapeless and a lack of legs in the final act. Not one to kill for, but worth a borrow.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	0/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	DVD
Date added	16/7/2003

Tropic Thunder
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	Readers/Fans/Brethren of 303 Films will detect a certain antipathy towards Ben Stiller & Jack Black. It's not that they aren't talented, they clearly have something about them; Stiller in Meet The Parents, Black in Bob Roberts, but too often their lazy gurning and masturbatory tendencies give a diminished return. It is to Stiller's double credit that he's co-writing and directing his first film since Zoolander (a film I hated but anyway, remember what Kermode said) this time sending up Hollywood and all its pretensions. After a series of hilarious fake trailers a group of actors desperate to prove their credentials are on location shooting director Steve Coogan's movie in Vietnam; a guy famous for fart-jokes (Jack Black) trying to become serious; an Australian method actor (an Oscar-worthy Robert Downey Jr) undergoing pigmentation surgery to play an African-American, plus Stiller trying to earn the Oscar he missed out on for "Simple Jack". The film has been criticised, not for Downey Jr "blacking up" as you might think, but for "Simple Jack" and in particular one section where the phrase "full retard" is repeatedly mentioned. It's surely obvious to all that the audience is not expected to laugh at people with disabilities but instead at the chutzpah of actors and the movie industry that such conditions are seen as opportunities for career advancement and awards ceremonies. Typifying the broadsides, and stealing the film, is Tom Cruise as Les Grossman; a fat, balding and unimaginably foul-mouthed producer quite content to watch his stars be killed if it means he collects on the insurance. This small amount of screen time may well save Cruise's career after his erratic behaviour and a couple of less than successful films. It reminds everyone just how good he actually is at comedy and why he should do more of it. His dance routine alone is worth the £7.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	9/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	18/9/2008

Underworld
Person	TF12	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	Fucking genius... Vampyres verses Werewolves in the style of The Matrix with Kate Beckinsale dressed in PVC shooting the shit out of everything that moves! Er, what's not to like?!? Ok, maybe the script but then what do you expect. Oh, and the effects but, you know, maybe I over analysis them anyway. Only way this film could really have been better is if I'd been mashed watching it! um really? Ok it's shite but go and see it anyway. Goths rule.
Bagsy	10/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	10/10
Cars	2/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	2/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	28/9/2003

Van Helsing
Person	TF12	Comments
Overall rating	1/10	Don't be lured by the bagsy/undead/explosions rating.... this film is utter tripe, dross and shite. Refer to my Underworld review for how fit Kate Beckinsale is but whatever you don't pay money to see this. Tasty and I got in for free and we still regret it! I think the episode of Automan I've just downloaded will be about a million times better than this rubbish. Do want to boff a Vampire though. Bagsy.
Bagsy	10/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	10/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	10/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	5/5/2004

Waltz With Bashir
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	Two Israeli ex-soliders meet in a bar, one describing to the other a recurring dream where he encounters 26 dogs (he knows exactly how many, which is revealed later) chasing him through an urban landscape, but he wakes up at the same point. It may have something to do with the events surrounding the invasion of Lebanon in 1982, something the other friend remembers very little about. He can remember the invasion, but not what happened in the Shabra & Shatilla refugee camps; the massacre of civilians carried out by the murderous Christian Phalange. Visiting old colleagues and witnesses he starts to piece together the gaps in his memory. Shot in a roto-scoping format (think A Scanner Darkly or the second half of the animated Lord Of The Rings effort) with English subtitles, this is a soldier's-eye view in the most controversial region of the world. A view that could be criticised (especially by anti-Zionists like myself) as apologising for the aggression of the Israeli Defence Forces. It does very well to avoid outright blame, instead focusing on the troops on the ground, assigning blame to the generals in their cosy offices.
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	4/10
Format	AVI
Date added	23/2/2009

Wanted
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	3/10	I'd be lying if I said the main reason for me and my fiancé to see this trash wasn't solely because of the prospect of seeing James Mcavoy with his shirt off. It was the only reason for going, and the only reason for staying. Oh, there's some cool buller-action work going on as well. The film has Forrest Gump-like morality issues. First, there's a secret society that has been around for 1000 years assassinating people to keep order in the world. In whose interest, this is never made clear. Mcavoy is rescued from the soul-crushing monotony of his job as an accountant by an emaciated, pouting Angelina Jolie (really not hot in this film, you just want her to eat more fry-ups) and inducted into "The Fraternity" ran by (who else) Morgan Freeman. Second, he starts to stand up for himself, both by humiliating his overweight female boss and his best friend, who happens to be tapping his girlfriend. Score for male empowerment. Third, after a lightning orientation programme of torture, gun training, psychological penetration, train hopping and weaving (using a loom, no, really) he's sent back out with his neo-hard personality to despatch names designated by binary stitching on the afore-mentioned loom (I'm not making this up, they get their orders from a loom). Fourth, he was recruited to kill the man who offed his Father, previously thought to have abandoned him at a week old. A Father who tries to make contact with him by shooting him in the arm, no email or texting in this world, then; you communicate by specially made bullets. Fifth, the "ticking bomb" scenario is invoked to justify assassination. One of the targets was himself an assassin who made a man's daughter watch while he set Daddy on fire, and if the Fraternity weren't such pussies, that wouldn't have happened. You see kids, we have to keep taxi drivers at Gitmo Bay for 5 years without charge because they might know the code to defuse a bomb going off in New York City in the next hour; 24 isn't a TV show, it's real! Sixth (I'll stop shortly) in spite of point number 5 (that killing one saves the lives of many) it doesn't matter how many people get killed in the crossfire to kill that one. Be it the entire contents of a train, bus or multiple car pile-up. It's crypto-fascist, appallingly mysoginistic and the fetishing of firearms and Mcavoy's torso borders on the homo-erotic. That's only the fundamental flaws. There's so many other stupid decisions and motives I'd run out of space. It's utter trash, with the silver lining that Mcavoy doesn't come off looking like a total douche but the diamond in the rough.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	10/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	4/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	2/7/2008

War Of The Worlds
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	6/10	The Spielberg/Cruse juggernaut swings back into the left-hand lane of the motorway, belching and pissing over the steering wheel, in this "re-imagining" of the H.G Wells 19th century warning of encroaching industrialisation of England masked as an alien invasion movie. The hardest part of the film to pull off isn't the wonderful CGI, tripodic aliens or survivalist tension, but how on earth you make Tom "most famous man in the world" Cruise seem a deadbeat crane operator dad. He certainly didn't turn into an overweight farting greaseball, but he gives it a good go and you let him away with it. Dakota Fanning as his his little girl Rachel still acts the bejeesus out of him. I liked it, I didn't love it, you know? It's impossible for a man like Spielberg to keep making Citizen Kane, what more can you expect from him?
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	4/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	7/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	9/7/2005

War of the Worlds
Person	Tadd	Comments
Overall rating	4/10	Shite !
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	0/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	bloke
Date added	3/8/2005

Watchmen
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	According to lore, the director Terry Gilliam met Northampton's own Alan Moore for a preliminary discussion regarding adapting his sacred comic Watchmen, for the big screen. Asked how he would adapt it, Moore apparently replied, "I wouldn't". What's been termed "the Citizen Kane of comics" by non-comic fans (comic fans call Citizen Kane the "Watchmen" of movies) has been in development through many directors (Darren Aronofsky and Paul Greengrass among others), scriptwriters and producers for well over a decade. Falling into the hands of Zac Snyder; hands that had recently been applying chest oil to the protagonists of 300, fans around the world were thrilled a fellow Watchmaniac was at the helm, yet trepidant he wouldn't have the skill to bring out the comic's stomach churning depth and dizzying multi-layers that so enraptures its readership. They did have cause to be worried, as Znyder's track record indicates his talent lies in surfaces rather than feeling. However, on the former, the man knows his source material. Sticking to the story outline like a religious zealot, the movie opens with the murder of The Comedian; one of a gang of masked vigilantes, now banned from appearing in public by still-President Nixon. In this alternate 1985, the world is on the brink of nuclear war with the Soviet Union, and Superheroes are real, though the only one with actual powers is Dr Manhattan; given god-like vision of time and matter after the obligatory lab accident. What Moore achieves in Watchmen is the deconstruction of the Superhero myth; what kind of weird people would wear masks on either side of the criminal divide; what does it mean to have actual god-like powers and how would you deal with the responsibility; how does Rorschach's mask keep changing its imprints. The Watchmen characters each represent a certain political philosophy regarding power. That humans are little more than savage beasts in need of guardianship or that they can be higher beings with due care and attention. Or that power itself is ultimately corrupting and any intervention is morally impermissible, or again that it is morally necessary. You have to look rather hard to find that in Watchmen the movie, however. You get the beautiful surface detail; you get gorgeous compositions, lighting, colouring and love of the story. What you don't get, as we highlighted, is the depth. So when the scene calls for the emotion, you don't feel it. Without emotional depth you're left with pornography. Literal pornography in places, as well as the pornography of violence and special effects. Without satisfying nourishment the near three hour running time tests your patience, though you can’t get too mad at Znyder. He’s desperately aiming for Kane, pushing himself to his film-making limits and giving it everything; sadly he just doesn’t have it in his toolbox to give Watchmen the crucial grounding. Unfilmable? Better directors than him tried and walked away, so big credit for getting the damn thing made in the first place.
Bagsy	9/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	10/10
Zombies & undead	7/10
Cars	7/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	6/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	12/3/2009

American Gangster
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	6/10	Long time fans of Streaky's 303 film love may have detected a certain ambivalence toward Ridley Scott films. He, like Sergio Leone, has been criticised by some as a director of surfaces; looks pretty, but nothing there. It's been my problem with Scott in almost every film of his I've seen, and yes that includes Bladerunner (Yah, yah, future dystopia, I just don't care about anyone in it). So it is with his much heralded return to form, American Gangster. It has the required acting leads in Denzel & Russell Crowe; all the scene setting and pacing you'd expect from an experienced film maker, but it's a genre picture. It's a drug dealer who rises to power, and an ambitious cop who brings him down at the cost of his personal life. It's aware of the archetypes wheeled out for the 100th time (beautiful moll, religious mother, dirty cops, ex-wife from hell) so it goes through the motions all very skilfully enough. I just don't care about anyone in it. I know where the story goes. What's the point?
Bagsy	4/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	6/10
General wierdness	0/10
Comedy	2/10
Format	Creamy DVD Screener
Date added	6/1/2008

American History X
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	A bit of an Oioi if you haven't seen it for a kick arse, righteous and blood lusty film that (bonus) makes you think about your predjudices. Starring Edward "Fight Club" Norton, Edward "OK, timeout stop the bike" Norton from T2 and Captain "Avery Brooks" Sisko from DS9. The story of a reformed neo-nazi released from jail determined to stop his younger brother going down the same road set against a racially inflamed school. What makes the film stand apart is that the neo nazis are not one dimensional cardboard cutouts but real people with real grievances seeking justice in an unfair world. Great and intense scenes, real ultra violence smoothly directed and interspersed with B/W flashbacks. It's careful to show the consequences of violence and the alternatives to one's actions. Informative without being preachy. It really is the shit.
Bagsy	1/10
Explosions & carnage	7/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	3/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	dvd
Date added	6/5/2003

Angels & Demons
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	5/10	My soon-to-be-wife and I both have a healthy competitive streak when it comes to, well, anything really. When we saw the pictures of our honeymoon villa, both of us thought "When people see these photos they're going to vomit pure envy, we're gonna win the Honeymoon, yes!!!". I didn't make that up. So when it came to going to the movies, I picked the new Star Trek to go head-to-head with The Da Vinci Code sequel/prequel. Who won the movie battle royale? Well, not to give anything away, but I did! Yes! My opponent said it wasn't fair and that I had an advantage given I read reviews from multiple sources and was able to make an informed pick. Competitive to the end, I love her. You've probably guessed already that either I'm very bored and filling space with thoughts, or the film isn't up to much. Correct on both. Following the death of the Pope in the Vatican, four cardinals are kidnapped by the Illuminati - a science loving sect persecuted centuries earlier - and are to be executed every hour, on the hour, before Vatican City itself is destroyed by some anti-matter that was stolen from the Hadron Collider in Switzerland (no, really). Tom Hanks' Harvard Symbologist Robert Langdon has to decode a number of Illuminati clues deliberately left behind to find the Cardinals and the bomb before the midnight deadline. You know, writing that little paragraph makes the film sound even stupider than it is to watch. As it's director Ron Howard, he knows how to point a camera and frame a scene as well as recruiting some good actors, so although it's complete tosh it's a fairly harmless watch for about 2/3 of the movie. Oh and if you've been to Rome, you will point at the screen and say "we've been there". There's nothing inherently wrong with a stupid movie where a guy solves cryptic clues (with a disturbingly high accuracy) and rushes around churches looking at statues, in fact I'd much prefer that to stupid movies involving transforming robots or street-racing cars. But in the final third, what was left of a hokey yet pacey movie falls off its modest perch into laughable imbecilitiy. Ewan Mcgregor, one of the greatest actors from the British Isles has a stab at a Northern Irish accent, though why a priest raised in The Vatican would talk in such a way baffles. Tom Hanks at least has his hair cut, and it wasn't as bad as The Da Vinci Code, but otherwise it's a pretty rum lot.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	6/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	5/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	27/5/2009

Borat
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	I'm torn whether to to start kick-off the review with "believe the hype" or "don't believe the hype". So vexed was I, that I ducked the issue entirely and started off instead pondering the afore-mentioned conundrum. I'm still no nearer deciding, and there's really no point explaining the plot as a workaround either, because you'll probably know it by now. It's something of a double-edged sword, if you've seen Borat on either of the Ali G shows, you'll see it anyway but will feel like you've seen a lot of it before. If you've not seen it before, it might be because it's not your cup of tea, leaving the third possibility that it IS your cup of tea but you didn't catch it beofre and you'll probably die laughing. Caveats, conundrums and possibilities duly noted, I did laugh deeply out loud a good half dozen times, with some gurgly noises emanating another half dozen times, but there are more than a few duff gags, and some just plain uncomfortable stuff. There is some genuinely revealing behaviour from the American yee-hahs Borat snags, but the point he tries to make (the joke is not on him, the joke is on people who could seriously entertain such anti-semitic, racist, sexist views) isn't developed nearly as often as a truly great piece of work should be. Too often it relies on shock/nasty routines, as if Cohen doesn't have enough brains or respect for his audience to carry off the material. It's very nearly tremendous, but not quite enough, but compared to Ali G In Da House, it's Citizen Kane.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	0/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	10/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	20/11/2006

Charlies Angels II: Full Throttle
Person	TF12	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Birds fighting other birds in tight pants. Ace. Very funny, totally ridiculous. Apparently the burlesque dancers in the club also dance at Johnny Depp's club in LA... I want to go there. Stonking good romp.
Bagsy	10/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	3/10
General wierdness	2/10
Comedy	9/10
Format	Downloaded DVD
Date added	7/11/2003

Collateral
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Tom "Hehehehe" Cruise finally comes of age as an actor in Michael "Heat" Mann's latest, pairing up with taxi-driver Max (Jamie Foxx) on one murder-filled night in LA. Completely convincing as ruthless and charming hit man Vincent, Cruise takes Foxx hostage as he moves down a hit list, offering advice along the way on how Max can improve his life after being stuck as a cabbie for 12 years. The chemistry and intensity between the two leads is so powerful and engaging the B-story of the detectives shadowing them feels like a distraction and you wish they'd get back to Tom, dispatching his targets with a chilling efficiency, and looking at times scarily like De Niro at times, only more persuasive. It wouldn't stand without Jamie Foxx as put upon all around good egg Max, discovering talents he never knew he had in one particularly memorable scene. Michael Mann shows us the urban LA landscape at night; notice the swirling helicopters and Vincent misanthropic rant against the city and what it stands for. Will Smith's wife Jada Pinkett is in it too.
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	7/10
General wierdness	6/10
Comedy	6/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	25/9/2004

Death Proof
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	4/10	Oh Quentin. Oh Quentin, ye that shone so bright like all the stars in the sky, the son of the morning. Ye that reinvented the cops vs robbers in Reservoir Dogs. Ye that reinvented film making entirely with Pulp Fiction - sparking so many poor imitators - how far ye star has fallen. What a waste. What a horrible mess of a film. A man who used to make films with stories, narratives, characters you really cared about, dialogue that crackled like frying bacon, reduced to this splodgy turd so much like the orts and slarts of previous glory. For some inexplicable reason, he seems to think homage is now sufficient, where once before he made a film that merely contained homage. His tribute to the sleazy exploitation genre called Grindhouse fails in respect to the fact that it barely qualifies as a film in standard terms; bunch of chicks with nice arses talk like blokes for half an hour in a midly pleasant distracting way before Kurt Russell as Stuntman Mike shows up. There's some action with his Death Proof car, before another set of chicks with nice arses repeat, only with a vastly diminishing return. It fails on the terms of a film, but it also fails on his own terms of making an exploitation film! There are only 2 action set pieces and they're really nothing too special, think Dukes Of Hazzard TV show and you're halfway there. If I want to see nice arses, I'll watch some porn. It's honest and doesn't pretend to be anything else. Tarantino himself makes an appearance (presumable unironically) as an ageing barkeep still trying to hang with the kids, but it's like watching a once great rock star haggard, tired and hopelessly lost in his own ego.
Bagsy	9/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	7/10
General wierdness	6/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	AVI
Date added	29/1/2008

Eastern Promises
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	David Cronenberg seems to be in a decent vein of form just at the moment, based on A History Of Violence and now this. Can't say I approve though of a film set in London, with an Australian playing a English nurse (Naomi Watts) and a Danish/American Viggo "their pace has quickened" Mortensen as a Russian gangster. Couldn't they find anyone native? Never mind, they're both excellent, as are the Cronenberg directing skills. As you've probably come to expect, this won't be one for the fainthearted. A gangland tale of murder, disposal, rape, people trafficking and a bit more murder. You'll never feel as grateful for your safe and warm, non-rapey bed.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	5/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	4/10
General wierdness	4/10
Comedy	1/10
Format	DVD Screener
Date added	15/1/2008

Lord of the rings - Fellowship of the ring
Person	LD50	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	Superb uality & sounds for this awesome film
Bagsy	3/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	9/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	8/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	DIVX/dvdrip
Date added	8/4/2002

Mission Impossible 3
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	I've never liked Brian De Palma films, and John Woo has never been any good working in English, in my opinion, so I'm happy to say MI:III is easily the best of the franchise. It probably helps that it's written and directed by JJ "Lost & Alias" Abrams, so instead of balletic good vs evil of Woo or the mindless one-dimensionality of De Palma, we get the protaganist trapped by his situation into losing the ones he loves. We learn a little more about Ethan Hunt's personal life, and what his job does to it. There's still plenty of clever disguises, impossibly (duh) carved out action set-pieces, including a sequence at the Vatican which made me go "I've been there" just like a tourist. There's twists and turns, the usual Cruise smile-athon, plus a superb Philip "well dude, we just don't know" Seymour Hoffman as the villain, reprising his relationship with Cruise from Magnolia. There's also Ving "no fucking shit she'll freak" Rhames returning as the backup man, Simon "Big Train" Pegg as the nebbish tech-savvy Q stand-in, as well as Laurence "All I'm offering is the truth" Fishburne as the big boss man, somehow always one step behind. Cruise has the money to buy in whomever he needs to suit his purpose, so it's hard to knock such a well-made popcorn blockbuster like this. It goes without saying it's all impossible though.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	7/10
General wierdness	4/10
Comedy	4/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	14/6/2006

Munich
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	When Spielberg does his "weighty and serious" films e.g. Schindler, Ryan, you often approach it with a sense of foreboding and dread. It's not that he doesn't make worthy films, or with important messages, it's that you often get clouded by his sentimentality and fuzzy warm-hearted redemption, always a blocker to understanding the suffering of the real world. I'm happy to report, however, that Munich is about as close to a non-fuzzy Spielberg film as you're going to get. After the taking of Israeli hostages by Arab terrorists at the 1972 Olympics, and the botched rescue where all the athletes were killed along with their captors, the Israeli secret police Mossad decide to hire assassin Avner (Eric Bana) to track down and eliminate the 11 members of the group behind the operation, Black September. What starts as a righteous mission quickly descends into darkness as Avner and his group begin their work. They begin to question whether those selected for death are really involved with Munich, whether Israel is really just using it as an excuse to eliminate troublesome Arabs. There's the death of the innocent bystanders, the effect each murder has on the group as they begin to lose their humanity and sense of basic decency. There's also the crucial point that by eliminating Black September, all Avner and his group are doing are replacing terrorists with even more deadly and ruthless ones, committed to further acts of reprisal. So far, so good. But there's some other things in the film that Spielberg has slipped in to really make you think. Whenever the group has the TV on, Arab terrorism is always the main story, the front-page news, where as the Jewish terrorism remains unspoken and unreported, therefore allows the issue to be portrayed to the world as civilised Israel against a barberous Palestine. Then there's the US in the background, looking after it's own interests while pretending to be an honest broker. In one scene Avner meets a Palestinian terrorist (who believes Avner to be a member of ETA) and as they talk about their respective fight for their homeland, he realises what they each share in common, and his further disillusionment continues apace. It wouldn't be Spielberg without a couple of fuzzy bits. Avner misses his wife and newborn baby, and there's a strange and unnecessary shag scene which interplays with the bungled Munich rescue. But, on the whole, Munich is an almost unbelievably even-handed portrayal of the longest running conflicts in the world, and if you're prepared to sit through the 160 minutes run time, you might just learn something.
Bagsy	3/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	AVI
Date added	28/3/2006

Planet Terror
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	5/10	About the nicest thing I can say abour Grindhouse Part II - The Robert Rodriguez effort Planet Terror - is that it isn't as bad as Death Proof. Given such an effort is akin to getting out of bed, a bar so low even Cousin Jiimmy could clear it, my hopes weren't high. As it is, it's a zombie film, no more, no less. Nothing you won't have seen in any of the George Romero's zombie films, it's as if Rodriguez hasn't seen Shaun Of The Dead, or is so wrapped up in his own ability he really thinks he's doing something extraordinary with the material. Tarantino shows up again, unironically as a nasty piece of shit, all creepy and no flair. Am I missing something? Granted, it's slightly better structured and at least qualifies as a film, but for heaven's sake Robert, you should be doing so much better. I know Quentin's your mate and everything, but he's weighing you down. Drop him before he drags you under.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	9/10
Cars	6/10
General wierdness	9/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	AVI
Date added	29/1/2008

Quantum Of Solace
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	5/10	Bond 22, Quantum Of Solace, has been noted by hacks with nothing better to do for being a somewhat weird choice of title for a Bond movie. I would submit that after enough repetition any title or name becomes banal and meaningless after a while. As evidence, I give you Radiohead & Manic Street Preachers; composite phrases that are semantic slurry until familiarity renders them solid. All this distracting fluff talk should warn the reader that the review is probably going to shade the negative side. Let me say as if it needs saying (it doesn't) that Daniel Craig is excellent as the cold-blooded assassin although less convincing as grieving boyfriend, and all the car chases and Judy Dench-isms are all present and correct, cocktails and dinner jackets standing to attention. The problem, as Michael Palin's prisoner in Life Of Brian would say, is that it's a right bloody mess. An absolute mess of a film. The narrative, as it exists, races from location to location with barely a word of explanation to how people arrived there. Characters are introduced as if we are supposed to know who they are, and are never satisfactorily explained throughout. The plot is 1 part dull, 2 parts baffling; some secret organisation is buying up the supplies of water in South America while Uncle Sam looks on helplessly, and British MI6 is going to expose them in spite of their now minor presence of the global scene. In one way it is a brave choice to make Solace essentially a sequel to Casino Royale, but the great thing about Bond films is that you don't have to know anything going in, you can watch them in reverse order or out of sequence and it won't spoil anything. It's less a Bond film, therefore, and more the Bourne films they're clearly apeing. Bourne, however, had the single thread of a quest for true identity running through, Solace has all the component parts but none of the glue to hold it together.
Bagsy	8/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	7/10
General wierdness	3/10
Comedy	2/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	10/11/2008

Resident Evil 2
Person	Tasty	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Guns and zombies,Milla getting em out too - nuff said
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	10/10
Cars	1/10
General wierdness	1/10
Comedy	2/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	16/10/2004

Shaun Of The Dead
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Not being a zombie fan, I couldn't be arsed with Dawn Of The Dead (remake or original)have never seen Night Of The Living Dead or and only watched Evil Dead 3 when my friend held me down and made me (it was shit). So I went to see this based on the track record of Spaced star Simon Pegg knowing it would have all the cast in some role, and I'm happy to say it's fantastic. Predictably, but none the worse for it, there's guest appearances from cast members of Black Books, League Of Gentleman, The Office and Little Britain, as well as Penelope "we're about to have lunch" Wilton and Bill "Love Is All Around" Nighy as two plug-in gravitas actors. The plot, should it concern you, is about Zombies, and what happens to the survivors as they battle them. Qulle surprise. It's very good indeed, and not the "so bad it's good" or "good despite it being shit in places" type of good; it's all good and funny in the right places, doesn't last too long and contains no fluffy toss.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	10/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	8/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	10/4/2004

Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	Very very original. Shot entirely in a bluescreen studio; set in a 1939 of the future (think League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen instead of Wild Wild West) Jude Law is an heroic fighter pilot uncovering with ex-girlfriend Gwynneth Paltrow a myserious mystery involving robots (looking like the Iron Men from the Ted Hughes story) enormous blimps and (waddayaknow) a plot to wipe out mankind. The film looks astonishing, nothing like you've ever seen before, and the setup is so intriguing it's a big letdown in the third act when it boils down to such a simple pay-off. Still with the lovely Angelina Jolie as another ex-girlfriend fit with an eye patch and military gear, and Giovanni Ribisi as a spod it deserves to be seen.
Bagsy	9/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	9/10
Comedy	5/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	3/10/2004

spartacus
Person	christ	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	ist going goodd
Bagsy	1/10
Explosions & carnage	2/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	1/10
Cars	10/10
General wierdness	1/10
Comedy	10/10
Format	film
Date added	5/3/2005

Star Trek
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Reboots are awfully fashionable nowadays aren't they kids? With your Hannah Montanas (review to follow once injunction lifted) and your High School Musicals (review to follow when flying pigs join the air force) seems there isn't much room for your ordinary homespun tales involving time travel and weird alien sex. I guess a reboot guarantees a built-in audience regardless of product quality, and so it is JJ "Lost and Mission Impossible 3" Abrams was taken on to resurrect a moribund franchise that had all but exhausted its potential following 5 TV series, made up of 28 seasons & 10 spin-off feature length films across 40 years. The Hollywood writer's strike only heightening the anticipation, word crept out this new Trek would show Kirk meeting Spock at the Starfleet academy. Only it's not your normal meeting in the standard Trekiverse you see. What Abrams has done is made time travel central to the plot, thereby eliminating any nasty pre-existing future, leaving a blank slate for any further Trek films (and there will be some, you can count on it). A Romulan from the future travels back to the time James Tiberius K is born to avenge the future destruction of his planet. Bingo, problem solved, no more continuity errors. So how do the modern day heroes match up to their past/future counterparts. Really well. Kirk is every bit the skirt chasing rule breaker you hoped he'd be, only edged out by the outstanding Zachary Quinto as Spock. Throw in a smoking hot Uhura, and the always entertaining Simon Pegg as Scotty, rounded off by Sulu, Checkov & the original series pilot episode Captain Pike (great nod) and you've got yourself a reboot there fella. Abrams throws in plenty of good meat for the Trekkers (red-shirt death, Uhura's first name, sexy green aliens) while keeping it engaging for the uninitiated. The story rips along without too much pondering, classy space battles and some hand-to-hands. I'd heard it was good, but it's really good.
Bagsy	9/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	7/10
General wierdness	9/10
Comedy	8/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	22/5/2009

Terminator 3 - Rise Of The Machines
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	6/10	I prepared myself for a complete hound, and went in with expectation duly lowered. The thought of a (now) old man running (or lightly jogging) around with monosyllabic grunting 10 years after one of the best sequels and sci-fi films ever did not get my hopes up. So I went in preparing for the worst, and got a good deal better. I'll come out and say it, I liked it. It desn't deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as T1 and T2 but compared to the rubbish that passes for blockbusters these days (Daredevil, Spiderman & that Kung fu toss) it comes out favourably.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	6/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	4/8/2003

The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	Crikey there's some films with long titles these days; nearly didn't fit that one in the title box. Brad Pitt, post Troy, seems to have raised a huge family of bastards with Angelina Jolie, and not much else, so it's welcome to see him on top form in another deconstructed Western, as the old-west celebrity, Jesse James. He's worshipped by Ford (an effectively unsettling and unsympathetic Casey Affleck) from afar in comic books and stories of lore. When he meets his hero, he's surprised by his paranoia and ruthlessness. As he works his way into the gang and into James' trust, Ford discovers, as Ricky Gervais says in Extras, that "fame is a mask that eats into the face". The film gives away so much in it's title that you aren't wondering how and when Ford will kill James, but why and what drove him to it. It reminds me of a documentary I watched about Mark Chapman, who started off idolising John Lennon, only to end up killing him as the dream faded into reality. The film has as much to say about the myths of the Wild West, as it does about modern celebrity culture and the way history is always played twice; once as tragedy, once as farce. It's got the late-Spielberg problem as the 3rd act does drag its spur-jangling feet towards the conclusion, but it's another excellent Hollywood production in these rarified times.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	5/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	1/10
Comedy	4/10
Format	DVD Screener
Date added	5/2/2008

The Golden Compass
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	6/10	There's much to admire about The Golden Compass (or Northern Lights as it ought to be called; then again, the second and third book titles are object-related so perhaps it is a more fitting title. Anyway, longest bracket aside over) as New Line Cinema have followed the Rings trilogy template, right down to the eerily similar opening titles and attention to detail. The costumes, props, set design are all perfect; the special effects are pretty good if not mind-blowing, and Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig and Dakota Blue Richards are all perfectly cast. So what's the problem? Why am I telling you about this and not whether it's any good. Well, it's not that good really. Of course, book-to-films are nigh on impossible to describe values, feelings and issues cinematically rather than in the written word, but the script is so clunky that in places the characters often just stand around explaining the plot rather than advancing it. There's the sudden "off we go over here" moments as the break-neck pace derails the plot time and again. New faces are introduced with nary a word and they're suddenly best friends putting their lives on the line. It all feels rushed and hackneyed, the result of quite a few spanners in the works during a troubled production. The dialogue is often portentious e.g. I am so glad I lived this long to meet you Lyra, but there's nothing behind it. Still, those Ice-bears rock.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	6/12/2007

The Last Samurai
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	As with all of his films, your enjoyment of them hinge on whether you find the good looks, easy charm and narcissim of a certain Thomas Cruise Mapother IV (former high school wrestler and Fransiscan monk trainee, fact fans) or to what extent you can overlook them. Cruise plays a civil war veteran paid by the westernising Japanese government to train their soldiers in modern warfare against the soon-to-be-defunct Samurai. In what is a somewhat predictable turn he comes to respect their traditions once captured, and through the course of an enforced winter stay, ends up joining them in their fight against the Emperor's new army. It's easy to write this off as yet another Tom Cruise mastubatory vehicle where he smiles and preens and generally looks handsome while threatening a slight edge to his character, but it would do the film a disservice. Firstly, it's beautifully shot, second the action is taut and gripping, and third it is filled with a sad sense of courage in the face of futility as a way of life is inevitably extinguished by the modern age. Whatever victory the Samurai earn, we know it only forestalls their impending doom, and their proud tradition is heightened as a result. By know means the masterpiece Cruise hoped it would be to win his long hoped for Oscar, but not a self-indulgent wreck either.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	7/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	3/10
Comedy	6/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	22/1/2004

The Thin Red Line
Person	LD50	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	I think this is one of those films like Magnolia where you have to watch it several times to actually take in all the separate sub-stories. Beautiful camerawork and a bunch of nice contrasty type shots - All hell's breaking loose and the soldiers are looking at an injured bird - lots of subtle little touches and interesting juxtapositions. I'm not a big war film fan, but this picture is in a similar class to Apocalypse Now, also kinda wistful and philosophical at times.
Bagsy	1/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	DVD
Date added	19/4/2002

The Wind That Shakes The Barley
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	No stranger to controversy, Ken "Kes" Loach has provoked the ire from many ignorant Englishmen who slagged off the film's alleged one-sided point of view, despite the considerable handicap of not having watched the bloody thing. Yuo can't get away from it's one-sided nature, but how else do you portray occupied and oppressed people fighting for their freedom? Would you accuse WWII films of bias in favour of the allies? It shows the relationship of 2 brothers caught up in the Irish republican movement of the early 1920s, with Cillian "28 Days Later" Murphy in the leading role. It's not really a film that can easily appeal to the uninformed, as events go by so quickly you need to know the history of that time to fully understand it. Which does make it a little of "preaching to the converted" as people who know it probably won't learn anytihng new, and those that don't may find themselves a little lost. All the same, without the background reading it's still more than watchable as a group of ordinary people are forced to take up arms to defend themselves. More importantly, it's an essential film to be made while the leaders of our country mendaciously talk about "terrorism" and "freedom" and "our way of life", as pointing out the UK's brutal occupation history around the world shows Blair/Reid for the liars and hypocrites they truly are. It provoked such hysterical reactions precisely because of this. The British establishment lies to itself by crowing endlessly about "Democracy" and "the civilisation of these lands", so any attempt to show an alternate (and more accurate) viewpoint are naturally seen as heretical and satanic by those with most to lose. Didn't mean to turn Film 303 into Streaky's Soapbox by the way, but I believe we all have a responsibility to speak truth to power.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	0/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	AVI
Date added	6/10/2006

The Wrestler
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	If Heath Ledger is a nailed on cert for Best Supporting Actor at the traditional circle jerk also known as The Oscars - and he is - then Mickey Rourke must be a similar bet. The Academy tend to give out acting awards for Holocausts, Cripples & Losers Overcoming odds (see below) and they particularly love one of their own coming back from the wilderness and into their affections. Rourke was actually considered on a par with Marlon Brando with his work in the 80's, and like the great sandwich eater in the sky he proceeded to throw it all away in an orgy of self-destruction. His Boxing career forced him to have facial reconstructive surgery, and he accepted roles in films that would make Burt Reynolds blush. As Marv in Sin City, he found a role that would let him leave behind his younger self and embrace craggy middle-age. The Wrestler is one of those perfect "life leading up to" moments, with director Darren "The Fountain & Requiem For A Dream & Pi" Aronofsky seeking him out personally to play Randy "The Ram" Robinson; a former main-event performer now past his peak and eeking out a living in third-rate promotions. His heart, overclocked by steroids, is about to give out, and the body can't take the staples, chair shots and broken glass like it used to. Failing to make the rent on his trailer home, his estranged daughter wanting nothing to do with him, and his stripper friend only interested when he has money, Mickey is a man with nowhere to go. If that sounds depressing, it shouldn't be taken as such, as while The Wrestler does play on its clichés from the sport movie genre, it's a film genuinely invested in the subject. The backstage discussions with the performers discussing the staging of the matches feel authentic, the seedy strip joints provide an interesting comparison with the female counterparts who use their bodies to perform, and overall there's a non-condescending feel to observing those folks who didn't make the big-time, or did and who never will again.
Bagsy	9/10
Explosions & carnage	5/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	0/10
Comedy	5/10
Format	AVI
Date added	27/1/2009

There Will Be Blood
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	It has been written that we are living in a new cinematic golden age, as the recent Hollywood productions have been of such quality, power and style they hark back to the "good old days" of Bogart, Cagney & Hepburn. Whilst I think in those days there were almost certainly an equal number of hopeless bodge efforts (so much so, they were classified as B-movies, a genre unto itself) not forgetting the instantly forgettable contemporaries such as Pirates Of The Shite & Alien Vs Badgers, (or anything starring Jessica Alba) you can't deny there's been some blinding efforts of late. It likely owes more to the sheer number of films produced these days and their availability thanks to Internet buzz. Paul Thomas Anderson, the wonder director of Boogie Nights, Magnolia & Punch Drunk Love was going to get press for his next project whatever, especially as we've had to wait 5 years for it. UK film-goers have had to wait months since the US release, and the straw-chewing sister marriers in the provinces that bit longer, as Blood was only released in London at first. Furthermore, Northampton cinemas didn't show it at all, so I had to watch this at Milton Keynes Cineworld in the Snowdome. You may be wondering about the lengthy pre-amble, or the perfect score, so I thought it best to give this one The Big Robinski as you need to see this film as urgently as polite society will allow. Quick point of order: can you give a film 10/10 even if you find things to criticise about it? If not, then no 10/10 film could exist as there is no perfect film by any objective or subjective standard. Enough. What the hell is it about? Daniel Day Lewis (you thought Forrest Whittaker was a certainty, this guy will win the Oscar or Los Angeles will burn) is Daniel Plainview, oil prospector and single parent. His drive to find black gold in turn of the 20th century California leads him to nemesis Eli Sunday (Paul Dano); a meek and (seemingly) submissive church preacher. As the drilling begins, and the cash starts rolling in, Plainview's greed and obsession starts to eay away at his soul. The film isn't about plot, moreover it's a timeless moral fable about the corruption of mankind, be it by money, religion or naked power. It should come as no surprise that Day-Lewis conveys the paranoia and fear of a man consumed, and at the same time, enthralled by greed, so perfectly you can almost see the cogs inside his brain turning and ticking over. He's matched in some memorable scenes by Dano, his counterpoint, and reminder of the corrosive power of superstition. It's blackly funny, thought provoking, and the first 20 minutes without dialogue is like watching a new type of cinema. Yes, it does drag a bit in the middle, and there may be some who find Plainview a little over-the-top in the final third. I'm certain on repeat viewings (which I intend to take as soon as possible) this will become the Citizen Kane of its time. A timeless classic.
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	6/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	20/2/2008

Tigerland
Person	LD50	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	Again, I'm not really "into" war-type films, but this is a really top film. Watch it!
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	7/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	3/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	DVD (tadd's)
Date added	4/5/2002

Two Towers
Person	LD50	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Does what it says on the tin...rude film! - I got the impression this is something of a "spacer" between fellowship and return of the king, but i think that's possibly how it is in the books (I only got up to just before helm's deep kicked off in the book). The characters are ace as you'd expect, the CG gollum is superbly done, lots of fire, orcs and general ass kicking on a massive scale. The ents scored the comedy point and also a fair proportion of the ass-kicking points.
Bagsy	9/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	9/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	1/10
Format	DivX dvdrip
Date added	29/1/2003

V For Vendetta
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	Semi-faithfully based on Alan "scary looking man with beard you see around Northampton" Moore's graphic novel reacting to the authoritarian nature of Thatcher's government, updated and Americanised by the Matrix brothers. Hugo "Mr Anderson" Weaving is V, mystery man behind a mask, arch-terrorist and martial arts genius. Natalie "Leon so wrong" Portman as his muse, rescued from the clutches of the evil "fingermen" secret police, and brought to V's freedom seeking lair. Moore's comic spoke of a future where fascism rose because of the desperation of the population, very similar to how Germany fell to it in the 1930s. The Wachowskis now present it as the rise of Christian fundamentalism, Islamic & Homosexual bigotry, clearly pointing very large and unsubtle fingers towards the Texan in the White House. When the film sticks to the original, it works brilliantly. Portman captured by the police, head shaved and forced to betray V or face a firing squad, finding the story of a fellow prisoner to give her hope, is the film's highpoint. Unlike other reviews, I thought the kung-fu matrix stuff was fine and not partiuclarly out of place. The problem, like so many overtly "political" films, is that film makers often do not have the grasp of satire that they have of celluloid. Which is why you get a ranting Hitler-esque John Hurt as the chancellor Adam Sutler; an apallingly unfunny and unbelievable spoof of the chancellor on state-run television; as well as Mary Poppins style unconvincing English impressions. Apparently, we say nothing except "bollocks", "would you like a cup of tea?", "more bollocks" and an unintentionally hilarious "bugger off". In spite of these flaws, the film is largely a triumph, especially in these (sharp intake of breath) post 9/11 days. To make a provocative, pro-violence, pro-freedom, anti-authoritarian film is highly commendable. Alan Moore almost certainly hates it though.
Bagsy	9/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	4/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	24/3/2006

X Men 2
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	What the first X Men film should have been; dense, intense and tons of fighting, action and sfx. Sub plots abound, allegories to persecution of gays and the segregation of blacks in America, top notch acting and a couple of bagsies. What more could you want for your £4.50? Does what it says on the poster.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	3/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	Fillum
Date added	3/5/2003

xXx
Person	LD50	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	When i first heard about this it was introduced as a kind of "super james bond" and ultimately that's not far off the mark. There's a large degree of the "rah!" element of Fast n Furious (in fact i wouldn't be surprised if it was the same director - see how well informed I am!), lots of rude weapons, fast cars, good bagsies and enough explosions to keep even tasty happy, topped off with a slightly blade-esque coolness of delivery. If does seem like an amalgamation of lots of different films but they're the coolest bits of all of them so who cares :). To be fair it does have it's cheesy moments, but i think the enthusiasm for what they were trying to do lets them get away with it. Get it now!
Bagsy	8/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	9/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	9/10
General wierdness	3/10
Comedy	1/10
Format	VCD (cam)
Date added	18/8/2002

Apocalypto
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	Mel "sugar jews" Gibson is a flighty little rapscallion isn't he. When he's not getting drunk and making somewhat controversial statements to female police officers, he's pursuing some very personal projects. Following the Jesus one is this Mayan chase movie, set during the pre-Conquistador period. The controversy (oh Mel, no rom-coms for you) hinges on whether the Mayan empire was on its way out before the Spaniards arrived, or whether Whitey put their technoloigcally superior boot in to loveable scamps in loincloth to nick their continent. There's certainly a case to be made either way, but to go entirely on one side does leave a bad taste. Then again, and I'll take Mel's word for it, he's done his homework. Using Mayan dialogue, and casting the film with unknowns, it has the look and feel of being right there, even if the comparisons to modern day America with "they're just like us" feels slightly forced. Beneath it all, however, it's essentially a chase movie, as a Mayan warrior tries to escape from the captors who destroyed his village; avoid being a human sacrifice, and get back to his pregnant wife before it's too late. How many other films feature a Mayan cast, I ask you?
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	7/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	4/10
Format	AVI
Date added	9/6/2008

Batmin Begins
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	Daddy's boy Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) wants to use his fabulous wealth to help people, just like his father did. Good for him. He's so much better than us lowly scum isn't he? Because he's suffered (dead dad) and he cares you see, we're supposed to sympathise with a grown man who has Michael "Zulus" Caine as his lifelong fawning serf. Once again playing to the University Challenge, Elitist, Ivory Towers dichotomy that ordinary people are too stupid, pathetic and boring to do anything for themselves, we have yet another superhero flick to rescuing us from the depths of our uselessness. It's actually the best there's ever been, having been made by Christopher "Memento" Nolan, supported by Gary "mickey mouse bullshit" Oldham, Morgan "rehabilitated, it's just a bullshit word" Freeman, Rutger "Guinness" Hauer, and Liam "I could have done more" Neeson. As well as yer standard whizz bangs there's a proper story, character development and motivation for why Bruce does what he does with some rather non-blockbuster adult themes (the nature of criminality and futility of revenge) but again it's rather cynically setup for a sequel a la Daredevil and that fucking Spider one. Still, as I say, it's better than any other superhero movie. I just hate superheroes as a rule, don't know if those feelings seeped through at all.
Bagsy	8/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	10/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	5/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	19/6/2005

Blade Runner
Person	nightsex	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	Pure class man, Harrision kicks butt in the classic scifi film.Great story, good affects, nice music and not a Lara in sight. Smooth....
Bagsy	10/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	8/10
Cars	8/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	2/10
Format	DVD
Date added	10/8/2003

Constantine
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	6/10	Must have missed bendy dicks, probably one of those straight-to-video jobs, or those ones you see in Blockbuster and "just know" will be shit by looking at the box. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the latest comic book adaptation/butchering stars Keanu "woah" Reeves as a less than convincing chain- smoking exorcist, accompanied by the slumming yet lovely Rachel "now is the time sir" Weiss in a biblical shoot-em-up featuring such standard catholic props as a sword of destiny, religious scrolls, imagery and prophecy, demonic possession and a ridiculously camp lucifer. The plot is barely worth mentioning, if you give it some thought there's so many holes you'll collapse in ridicule, instead just switch your brain off and watch some demons giving it the biggun in hell.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	4/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	26/3/2005

Down In The Valley
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	6/10	I had to check IMDB before deciding the bagsy was legal. Evan Rachel Wood was probably about 17 when she made this, which is close enough for me. She meets and falls in love with a guy twice her age, Edward Norton, who thinks he's a cowboy, and thinks a lot of other things in his head. Whilst he's charming and kind, in spite of how obviously creepy it could be, he's also a loose cannon who likes guns a bit too much. When the film sticks to their relationship, it works fine. Later on, it becomes more deadly and it loses that focus, almost like the ending of Blazing Saddles where you wonder how you ended up there.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	4/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	4/10
Format	AVI
Date added	18/2/2007

eXistenZ
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	I'm rather behind the curve on this one, having never seen David Cronenberg's 1999 film until yesterday. Definitely one to watch and scratch your head over. Reminded me of Naked Lunch, similarly hallucinogenic influences on the nature of reality. there's also stuff on bio-industrial ethics, religious zealotry and computer nerd behaviour. Sadly, no sci-fi head scratcher has ever got around the "hollywood beauty" vs the reality of overweight social outcasts that actually play computer games, which is why the characters in these films always look like people who'd be lying on a beach rather than in a basement.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	18/12/2006

Hollywood Homicide
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	A white man's Bad Boys, as I'm sure it was pitched to the studio execs. "We'll get an old, grizzled cop, right? And a young womanising partner, stick them together in a drama about a murder in the Hip-Hop community and watch the sparks fly! What sounds a cynical and jaded premise actually results in a half-decent film. Harrison Ford plays grizzly, Josh "Pearl Fucking Harbour" Hartnett the kid. Worth a watch if you're a bit baked or 3 sheets. And yes, Ford can "do" comedy.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	6/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	7/10
General wierdness	0/10
Comedy	7/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	12/9/2003

League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	Sean "do you shee the beasht" Connery as Alan Quatermain, the leader of a late 19th Century Allstar bunch. To wit, Dorian Gray the immortal from Oscar Wilde's book; Mina Harker from Bram Stoker's Dracula; Captain Nemo from 20,000 Leagues...; The Invisible Man from.. well you get the idea. Absolute bollocks of course, but entertaining and inoffensive bollocks, good SFX and a plot of sorts to follow. You could do worse. You know, like we usually do. Lara Croft anyone?
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	8/10
Comedy	5/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	2/11/2003

Requiem For a Dream
Person	LD50	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	This is one *fucked up* film. Very nicely shot, great characters, *twisted* storyline, faaar too many drugs in play. Highly recommended but not for the faint-hearted.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	1/10
Cars	1/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	Divx
Date added	14/6/2004

Superbad
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	The Archdeacon of cinema reviews, Mark Kermode, always refuses to pre-judge films, stating, even in the case of Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 "it might be Citizen Kane". Advice I take to heart. After the sheer dreadfulness of Knocked Up, I wasn't in a hurry to watch the latest from the Apatow/Rogen axis of comedy, so imagine my delight when I laughed out loud all the way through. It's an American Graffiti/American Pie coming of age story, where 2 17-year olds have to get alcohol for a party, and what happens. What happens is 90 minutes of one line zings and genuinely touching moments. Bring on Pineapple Express, it better not let me down.
Bagsy	9/10
Explosions & carnage	6/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	6/10
General wierdness	6/10
Comedy	10/10
Format	AVI
Date added	15/8/2008

Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	Tim Burton's latest project to get his girlfriend work, and to pay off Jonny Depp for the compromising pictures in his possession has been showered in Oscar nomination praise, so is it worth it? Well, here I get into a sticky patch as I've never been a massive Tim Burton fan. I can certainly appreciate his undeniable visual skill, oh yes, and his talent for getting such memorable performances from his cast, but I find his films have little of substance to actually say, besides "isn't that all gothic like?". To those who say, yah boo sucks to you, Burton is an auteur, a genius. Fair enough, that's your opinion. You should be warned this is a musical; Depp is Todd, a man wrongly imprisoned so the corrupt judge can get his hands on his wife. When he returns (staggeringly, no one knows who he is, in spite of the fact he sets up shop in the same location, doing the same job) his mind is that of bloody, violent revenge. Fair play to Burton, he knows where the fake blood is stored, and he doesn't spare us the grisly details. I find it all very enjoyable, but nothing I'd want to watch again.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	5/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	5/10
Format	DVD Screener
Date added	1/2/2008

The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	The actress playing Susan is now 19, so the bagsy is legal. Not that it matters, she so obviously fancies Caspian she's probably not even aware of anyone else's existence. I always preferred the book of Caspian over Wardrobe, as it was less religious allegory (besides the message of faith in disturbing times) and more about the history of Narnia, as 1100 years have passed in the 1 year the children have been away. Sadly, my favourite scene (where Caspian's professor explains it all atop a tower looking at a conjunction of two planets) isn't in the film; as they've decided to ramp up the action far beyond anything in the source material, making a Two Towers of a sequel, complete with walking trees and Return Of The King catapults. The tone is assuredly darker, skullduggeryism & cold-blooded murder the order of the day, and much the better for it, though the acting from some still leaves a bit to be desired. As part of making the books more relevant, they've made the Telmarine occupiers blatantly Conquistador-like, treacherous Spanish evil the lot of them. Peter Dinklage is great as Trumpkin; Eddie Izzard is, well, Eddie Izzard, as Reepicheep the mouse. As my favourite book was The Silver Chair (4th in the series to be written, 6th in chronological, Shane we can let the argument die now), and my least favourite The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader (3rd and 5th, respectively) I'll have to sit through the worst to get to my best, that's if they keep making them. That means there's a slim-to-zero chance of The Last Battle making it.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	18/7/2008

The Hunted
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	2/10	Piss poor shiteathon; an insult to your arse to sit all the way through. For fact fans who look at the back of a video while in Blockbusters it stars Benicio "this Sozé some kind of butcher" Del Toro and Tommy "I don't care" Lee Jones in a Darth Vader/Obi Wan tryst set against the backdrop of firstly Kosovo armed conflict, and later Oregon forests. Aiming for a profound statement on the hypocrisy of contrasted armed conflict and so-called civilised society, it missed it's target by an estimated 5 miles, landing in a hedge in Surrey. Instead, we are left with a series of action sequences borrowing heavily from First Blood, The Fugitive & Friday 13th Part 6, interspersed with "serious character scenes" fleshing out that Benicio was once a good guy who went a bit crazy, and Tommy was a good guy who was embittered by his failings as a man and seeks consolation in the wild of nature. To be avoided like the mumps.
Bagsy	0/10
Explosions & carnage	7/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	0/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	God-awful video camera job
Date added	8/4/2003

Trailer Park Boys Movie - Big Dirty
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Apparently shot between Season 6 & 7 around 2006, yet not released (certainly in the states) until just recently, the boys make the leap to big screen. The only significant difference is the lack of smoking on-screen, but otherwise it's business as usual following Ricky, Julian & Bubbles' latest get rich quick through crime scheme. The Big Dirty is the score criminals think they can do after leaving jail that always leads to them back inside. In the boys case, it's stealing a large amount of change. You need a certain familiarity with the series to get the most out of it as you'd expect, but the film stands by itself well enough, although you probably need to have watched later seasons to understand Jim Lahey's "30 days Julian, 30 sexy days" as well as all the numerous homo-erotic references sprinkled throughout.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	5/10
Guns & fighting	8/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	6/10
General wierdness	9/10
Comedy	9/10
Format	Avi
Date added	24/1/2008

Apocalypse Now Redux
Person	Tomboy	Comments
Overall rating	10/10	Apart from the fact that this is a 4 CD DivX, no complaints. Superb rip from master DVD includes all the original intended footage, this is possibly still one of the best films ever made. Classic lines '..cos Charlie don't surf' and others. Suggest making sure you have no plans for at least 4 hours cos this is a long one.
Bagsy	5/10
Explosions & carnage	10/10
Guns & fighting	7/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	2/10
Format	DivX
Date added	20/3/2003

Blade 2
Person	LD50	Comments
Overall rating	8/10	Decent-ish quality conisdering it's so new, top film, much better than I thought it would be.
Bagsy	3/10
Explosions & carnage	7/10
Guns & fighting	7/10
Zombies & undead	7/10
Cars	1/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	0/10
Format	VCD
Date added	8/4/2002

Burn After Reading
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	Taking advantage of the North American bias in movie release schedules, during my recent visit out West I strolled into one of the many Vancouver cinemas to see the Coen Brothers follow-up to the Oscar winning No Country For Old Men, a good month or two before the UK release. Featuring the regulars Frances "Mrs Joel Coen" McDormand & George Clooney, along with Brad Pitt, John Malkovich & Tilda Swinton, it's a fluffy counterpoint to the weighty tomes of universal indifference and growing old that No Country illuminated. A CD of ex-CIA analyst memoirs finds it's way to the brilliantly air-headed Pitt & his surgery-obsessed colleague McDormand, setting off a chain of events that uncovers several extra-marital affairs and espionage in a Washington insiders merry-go-round. For the Brothers, it's less about plot and more about the result of individual parts adding up to a great deal less than the whole, as well as the aforementioned universal indifference rejecting typical "good guy gets girl" conventions. Clooney always does his best stuff with the Coens, juggling sneaky ne'er do wells with blunder headed stupidity and rogueish charm, while Malkovich & Swinton tend to play to slightly broader versions of their type. Quick praise also for JK Simmons' cameo as head of the CIA. FYI - This is the fourth of theirs I've reviewed here and as I tend to remark, you need to see Coen films more than once.
Bagsy	6/10
Explosions & carnage	7/10
Guns & fighting	7/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	9/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	13/10/2008

Churchill: The Hollywood Years
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	7/10	In much the same way as Richard Curtis' Hugh Grant based comedies are a who's who of the British acting talent of recent years, this Peter "Comic Strip" Richardson film is a who's who of the comedy talent in Britain today. Christian "It's Better To Have A Gun And Not Need It" Slater stars as the real Winston Churchill, an American GI who saved the Brits asses/arses by stealing the Nazi Enigma coding machine and upon his return to old blighty in Spring 1940 finds himself embroiled in a Hitler plot to kidnap Princess Elizabeth and take over the country. With a supporting cast of Phil Cornwell, Vic & Bob, Leslie "I Say" Phillips Mackenzie "Gareth" Crook, Miranda "Queenie" Richardson, Harry "No!!!!!" Enfield and the lovely Neve Campbell as Princess Liz herself, for those of you who haven't guessed yet it's a superb piss-take of the revisionist *cough* Private Ryan *cough* movies of recent years, portraying Yanks as the saviours of humanity. So if any of you harbour Anti-American views or like Top Secret type self effacement, or seeing every single Brit as dangerously gay inbred fops, it's a laugh a minute.
Bagsy	7/10
Explosions & carnage	8/10
Guns & fighting	7/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	5/10
Comedy	7/10
Format	Cinema
Date added	9/12/2004

Crash
Person	Streaky	Comments
Overall rating	6/10	A Magnolia/Short Cuts rip-off, or an early Spike Lee i.e. when he was good, diatribe on racism, it's a Hollywood-ised view point on racial tension in LA, as several plot-strands intersect in contrived and convoluted coincidences, with predictable redeeming/revelatory consequences. Granted, there's some dialogue that raised it above the mundane, some good stuff from otherwise dull actors Sandra Bullock & Matt Dillon, so I guess it comes across as what's wrong with Hollywood; any attempt to tackle a serious subject by the big-budget mainstream has to be commended for it's bravery, whilst otherwise unremarkable actors get oscar nominations for turning in something alright for a change. On the surface it may appear a worthy film on a touchy and rarely probed problem, but it doesn't dig nearly enough as it thinks it does, and doesn't answer anywhere near the questions it ought to.
Bagsy	8/10
Explosions & carnage	6/10
Guns & fighting	7/10
Zombies & undead	0/10
Cars	5/10
General wierdness	7/10
Comedy	3/10
Format	AVI
Date added	16/2/2006

Event Horizon
Person	PCUK	Comments
Overall rating	9/10	Myself and my trustworthy Uncle Tasty feel this is one of the best, most underrated pieces of creative art, and influential yet unrecognised films for years. The Main Points are 1. Larry Fishburne is in it. He also leads The Matrix (see below-nice one) and dies spectacularly in Apocalypse Now. Who better?..helped by Sam Neill, Joely Richardson - bagsy (yet another of Vanessa Redgrave's daughters and superb) Sean Pertwee, and surprisingly, a black dude (odds against reaching climax of film pretty high) and more white guys, some of whom die to even up the racial statistics for a change. 2. No films have taken the Alien concept further than Ridley Scott did in Alien in ?1976 - until this. Set off looking for something, don't know what it is, by the time you find out, you realise that your life insurance is utterly inadequate. 3...Zero gravity in realtime effects before The Matrix was even written. 4 Even dead people make an appearance to f you up a bit more...hence undead rating. On top of this, the rules of time and space start to become optional (like being drunk only 8 million miles from your front door) No one knows where you are, yet it's your job to be there rescuing people, AND some bastard has broken into your memory and is replaying events you tried to hide even from yourself. Chris Eagle famously left after an hour of our first screening at the Cube. Available now from Statto towers, when I find it in a box somewhere. British Film, Brit Director, Brit Actors all over the place. Massive.
Bagsy	8/10
Explosions & carnage	9/10
Guns & fighting	7/10
Zombies & undead	8/10
Cars	0/10
General wierdness	10/10
Comedy	7/10
Format	(Oh! Have we got a...) Video - DVDs can FROff.
Date added	9/4/2002